- Mark Wallace : Do you know what marriage is?
- Joanna Wallace : Hmm, you tell me, and see if we're thinking of the same thing.
- Mark Wallace : Marriage is when the woman tells the man to take off his pajamas... and it's because, she wants to send them to the laundry.
- Mark Wallace : Just wish that you'd stop sniping.
- Joanna Wallace : I haven't said a word!
- Mark Wallace : Just because you use a silencer doesn't mean you're not a sniper.
- Joanna Wallace : At least you're not a bad-tempered, disorganized, conceited failure anymore. You're a bad-tempered, disorganized, conceited success.
- Mark Wallace : What kind of people just sit like that without a word to say to each other?
- Joanna Wallace : Married people?
- Mark Wallace : Are you a virgin?
- [ Joanna seems shocked by the question ]
- Mark Wallace : Thought you were. Can always tell.
- Joanna Wallace : Congratulations.
- Mark Wallace : I was two years at the University of Chicago.
- Joanna Wallace : Studying virgin detection?
- Mark Wallace : Only at night school.
- Mark Wallace : [ Joanna has returned from an affair ] Hello.
- Joanna Wallace : Hello.
- Mark Wallace : Well?
- Joanna Wallace : [ softly, on the verge of tears ] I'm back.
- Mark Wallace : Enjoy yourself?
- Joanna Wallace : [ nods ] Yes, thank you. But I *missed* you.
- [ Mark sarcastically rolls his eyes, not believing her ]
- Joanna Wallace : I *did*.
- Mark Wallace : Why?
- Joanna Wallace : Because he's so serious.
- Mark Wallace : I thought you liked people who were serious.
- Joanna Wallace : But he's *so* serious.
- Mark Wallace : Well, I'd better make some funny faces...
- Joanna Wallace : [ softly ] You don't need to make funny faces.
- [ Mark gives no response ]
- Joanna Wallace : Mark, I'm back!
- Mark Wallace : You humiliate me. You humiliate me... and then you come back.
- Joanna Wallace : [ nods tearfully ] That's right.
- Mark Wallace : Thank God!
- [ he hugs her and they tearfully kiss ]
- Mark Wallace : Why is it whenever you give a woman everything she wants, you get so bloody minded.
- Joanna Wallace : You don't give me everything I want, you give me everything you want to give me.
- [ Before getting married, hitchhikers Mark and Joanna spend a night in a hotel together, laying in bed ]
- Mark Wallace : This is definitely against my principles.
- Joanna Wallace : Good. I wouldn't like to think that it happened all the time.
- Mark Wallace : I had absolutely no intention of sleeping in hotels.
- Mark Wallace : We agreed before we were married we weren't gonna have any children.
- Joanna Wallace : And before we were married we *didn't*.
- Mark Wallace : Darling, what's French for 'Inspector, I don't believe a word you're saying and you're not gonna get a damn penny?'
- Joanna Wallace : 'Oui, monsieur.'
- Ruth Manchester : [ after Howard knocks the luggage off the top of the car by driving into a low beam carport ] Daddy?
- Howard Manchester : Yes, Ruthie?
- Ruth Manchester : Did you do that on purpose?
- Howard Manchester : No, Ruthie, I didn't. No, I did not. No, Ruthie. No.
- Mark Wallace : [ to Joanna ] Come on, baby.
- Howard Manchester : Well that, if I may say so, is a very revealing usage. Calling her baby, at this point, shows you're prepared to do her thinking and her deciding for her. Now I warn you solemnly, Marcus. You're denying Joanna the right to be her own paradoxical self.
- Mark Wallace : Howard, you're the largest pocket of untapped natural gas known to man.
- Joanna Wallace : [ on the plane to Europe ] Now, how about getting me some cigarettes?
- [ Mark waves done the stewardess, purchases a pack of cigarettes, gives it to Joanna ]
- Joanna Wallace : Thank you.
- Mark Wallace : It's just that Maurice...
- Joanna Wallace : He managed to persuade you that it's absolutely imperative that we get to Saint-Tropez by the day before yesterday. Why do you always get taken in?
- Mark Wallace : Well, baby, that's how it is, okay?
- [ first lines ]
- Joanna Wallace : [ referring to a pair of newlyweds seated in the back of a Rolls Royce ] They don't look very happy.
- Mark Wallace : Why should they? They just got married.
- Joanna Wallace : [ upset ] You just want me to become a beautiful memory, the sooner the better!
- Mark Wallace : Who said anything about beautiful?
- Mark Wallace : [ Mark and Joanna's car is on fire ] Water!
- Joanna Wallace : Oh! But where?
- Mark Wallace : Find some!
- Joanna Wallace : Here, here.
- [ she hands Mark a bottle of water ]
- Mark Wallace : [ he pours the water on the engine ]
- Joanna Wallace : Oh! It likes water!
- Cathy Manchester : Ruthie, that hurt Mommy! Howard, did you see what she did? She pinched me!
- Howard Manchester : Yes, well, she probably thinks you're excluding her, Honey Bunch.
- Joanna Wallace : What sort of people sit in a restaurant and don't even try to talk to each other?
- Mark Wallace : Married people.
- Mark Wallace : You promised when we were married, you'd always be happy, no matter what.
- Joanna Wallace : I know!
- Mark Wallace : Why can't you always be happy, no matter what?
- Joanna Wallace : Because I can't.
- Mark Wallace : You mean you broke your promise.
- Joanna Wallace : What do people have rows about, dear?
- Mark Wallace : Money, sex. Sex, money. He wants, she doesn't want.
- Joanna Wallace : She wants, he doesn't want.
- Mark Wallace : He thinks that the counter is all in the wrong place.
- Joanna Wallace : Counter and display cases. It's very funny.
- Mark Wallace : Yeah, that's marriage for you.
- Joanna Wallace : That's marriage for them.
- Mark Wallace : That's marriage. Full stop.
- Joanna Wallace : Shouldn't get too much sun the first day.
- Mark Wallace : I don't burn. I've got asbestos skin.
- [ Joanna waves her hand suspiciously over her drink ]
- Mark Wallace : What are you doing?
- Joanna Wallace : Just trying to discover where the strings are attached.
- David : I am sorry we did not know each other longer. It would have been easier.
- Mark Wallace : Yeah, and more fun. Then you could have had the supreme pleasure of taking your friend's wife. That's real kicks, huh?
- Joanna Wallace : [ voiceover ] You haven't been happy since the day we met, have you? If only you were 10 years younger and you knew what you know now.
- Mark Wallace : [ Joanna handing Mark the phone ] Who is it now?
- Joanna Wallace : Caroline.
- Mark Wallace : Caroline? Who's that?
- Joanna Wallace : Caroline Wallace. Your daughter.
- Mark Wallace : Oh, Caroline.
- [ takes the phone ]
- Mark Wallace : Hello. How's my little girl, huh?
- Mark Wallace : If you want to live in one half of a suburban shoebox, like your parents, you married the wrong man.
- Joanna Wallace : I don't want to live in one half of a suburban shoebox.
- [ kiss ]
- Joanna Wallace : And I married the wrong man.
- Mark Wallace : I think we were damn lucky to get the place, frankly.
- Joanna Wallace : I think we'll be damn lucky to get out of it, frankly.
- Mark Wallace : The trouble with women is they try to label you - put you in a pigeonhole. What they don't realize is - the only thing that fits in a pigeonhole is a pigeon.
- Mark Wallace : Why don't you put a very British sock in it.
- Joanna Wallace : Why don't you put a hard-boiled egg in it.
- Mark Wallace : Do you want me to take your picture?
- Joanna Wallace : No. No-no.
- Mark Wallace : This is really a three-dimensional - camera. It's really meant for photographing three-dimensional subjects.
- Joanna Wallace : I'm three-dimensional, as a matter of fact.
- Mark Wallace : Well, it's basically for buildings.
- Joanna Wallace : Well, I'm not a building.
- Mark Wallace : It's not that I have anything against sex. It's contracts I don't go for. Promise of long service and good conduct.
- Mark Wallace : I always thought American women would be different. I thought in America they'd broken the inhibitions barrier and it was all one long sex feast.
- Joanna Wallace : No?
- Mark Wallace : But no. But no. The nicely brought-up American girl plays cool and modern. but what she wants - is what her grandmother wanted: Your head stuffed and mounted on the living room wall.
- Mark Wallace : She was selfish, grasping, philistine, materialistic, stubborn, opinionated. I was crazy about her. Lucky for you, you'll never meet her.
- Joanna Wallace : I think Howard's wonderful the way he organizes everything.
- Cathy Manchester : He's not an efficiency consultant for nothing. Are you, Sweetness?
- Mark Wallace : If he were, he wouldn't be married to you, Honey.
- [ Cathy purrs like a cat ]
- Cathy Manchester : Howard has a tremendously mature quality, Marcus. That's what I love about him. He has quiet assurance. Don't you think he has quiet assurance?
- Mark Wallace : Very quiet assurance.
- Cathy Manchester : He's the husband type. You were always the lover type. I guess basically you still are.
- Mark Wallace : I've been married to Joanna for nearly two years.
- Cathy Manchester : But your relationship is basically volatile. Anyone can see that.
- Joanna Wallace : Must we dice with death? Since when has this car got only two speeds, 110 and stop?
- Cathy Manchester : Oh, Sweetheart, I hate to say it, but we should've left the car under the sun shelter, Howie.
- Howard Manchester : I know, Sugarbush.
- Cathy Manchester : This may sound absolutely ridiculous to you. I know that you love Ruthie, but she doesn't seem to realize it. I don't think you're getting through to her. She's gotten the idea that you are hostile to her. May I make a suggestion? Why don't you woo her a little bit?
- Joanna Wallace : Woo her?
- Cathy Manchester : That's right, woo her a little bit.
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